You may be familiar with 13 going on 30. But in this house, we have a case of 4 going on 14. Do not be fooled by the cuteness. Let me tell you about the delightful years from 3-8, otherwise known as the asshole phase. Fellow parents of toddlers, BRACE YOURSELVES.
According to child development stages, this is the age where the world revolves around you. You have no empathy and literally only care about yourself. And why shouldn’t you?! Your parents probably still wipe your ass. You have slaves that cater to your every need. Washing, dressing and feeding you. It makes it difficult to not put yourself first. We’ve all been through the asshole phase. Some people never get out of the asshole phase (I definitely know one person in particular who’s still in the asshole phase).
What drove me to write this is my child’s recent spell of… naughtiness. With the approach of BIG SCHOOL, he seems to be releasing this anxious/excited energy into being an asshole. Pushing all my buttons, not doing as he’s told, cheekiness levels have increased by 1000, with a whole lot of drama, crocodile tears, toy throwing and theatrics thrown in too.
Before I get misunderstood, let me just say, I adore my son. I really do. I love him to pieces and if my Facebook were anything to go by he’s the perfect child (HA!). He makes me laugh, he makes my heart melt and I feel so grateful to be a mother. But sometimes, and more often than not recently, he drives me to tears, he tests my patience and every now and then I mutter a little swear word under my breath.
If you feel like this too. It’s okay to admit your child can be a bit of an asshole. Say it. My child is sometimes an asshole! See. Doesn’t that feel better?
So mums. No parent is perfect and no child is perfect either. Don’t let instagram or Pinterest make you think otherwise.
The best way to deal with the asshole phase is by keeping your cool. Count backwards from ten when you feel you’re about to blow steam out of your ears. Repeat until the child has been lovingly tucked into bed. Pour yourself a large glass of wine and call your bezzie mum mate for a rant. Sleep it off and start again.
Can you relate to my pain? Is your child going through the asshole phase too? Share your thoughts with me in the comments so I don’t feel completely alone in this!